Your Girlfriend (Partner) Is Pregnant….Help!!!!!

 In Pregnancy

The day your girlfriend or partner comes to you with news of a pregnancy, it’s natural to feel many different emotions. You will most likely feel scared, confused, upset, or maybe happy and excited. But no matter how you feel about the situation, there are some things you need to do to ensure you are both healthy and safe. There are so many things running through your head…. your relationship is unstable, you need to finish school, you don’t have a job, you’re not sure you can be a good dad, you don’t want her making decisions without you…..we’re here to help!

Don’t bail. Don’t just look for a quick fix. The more you run, the harder it is – both now and down the road. Don’t pressure her. You two will do best working together as a team. Don’t play the blame game. This isn’t the time to overreact or get mad about having sex together. Don’t rush. There is no rush to make this decision. You don’t want to have significant regrets in the future. Don’t shut down. You have a very active role in this situation. Listen to her and ask her to listen to you. Before you decide anything else, there are a few essential questions you need to consider. Make sure you get the answers to these questions before you make any decisions or definite plans.

Is She Really Pregnant?

The first thing that needs to be determined is if she’s really pregnant. Many times, women think they could be pregnant and tell their partner before they’ve even taken a pregnancy test. They often “feel” pregnant or are late on their period for some other reason.  Home pregnancy tests are less reliable than pharmaceutical tests, so even a positive home pregnancy test should be verified with a higher-grade test. We offer free high-quality grade pregnancy tests with immediate results so we can verify that positive result for you and tell you if you are in fact, pregnant. All our services are confidential.

Is the Pregnancy Viable?

Once a positive pregnancy test is established, the next step is to make sure the pregnancy is viable. A surprising percentage of pregnancies are not viable and will often self-terminate (miscarry). Around 1 of 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage during the first trimester (12 weeks). Some pregnancies require medical intervention such as in the case of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancies are when the baby has implanted in a fallopian tube instead of the uterus and it is life-threatening. You can confirm that her pregnancy looks healthy by coming in for a free limited ultrasound, performed by a medically qualified registered nurse. An ultrasound is painless and only takes a few minutes. You are welcome to accompany her for this exam if she is pregnant. 

What Does She Need If Pregnant?

Along with making sure her pregnancy is safe, you should also make sure your partner is. As much as you are going through, recognize that she is experiencing all that and more. Women’s bodies go through rapid and difficult changes during pregnancy, hormones causing so much change so quickly. Your girlfriend may have trouble handling all these changes. Try to be understanding and compassionate during this time,

 and realize she may need help even if she doesn’t ask for it.

What Do You Need?

Many men in this situation make the mistake of concentrating so much on their girlfriend and the pregnancy that they forget to take care of themselves. However, it’s perfectly natural to take some time to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. You shouldn’t feel like you must suppress your own emotions to make it through this situation. Instead, find an outlet for these feelings.  At the Pregnancy Care Clinic, we offer free consultations for you to come and talk with someone who understands, as well as our Dads Matter program, which is designed to give you the skills and knowledge you need to thrive as a father. Your Dads Matter coach will be a listening ear and help you sort out what you’re facing with this pregnancy.

Face the Situation Together

The one thing that’s most important to remember in this situation is that you’re on the same team, and your decisions affect both of you. When one of you gets frustrated, angry, or scared – and the chances are that will happen – just remember that you’re stronger together.

Even if you and your partner decide to end your relationship, you can still learn and plan to co-parent your child. Children should not have to pay the price for their parents not wanting to be in a relationship together anymore. You can make your visits to the PCC together or come separately, whichever works better for your situation. The bottom line is you both want a safe and healthy pregnancy and baby.

Speak Up

It is imperative that you tell her how you feel.  Let her know that you will support her and your child if she decides to parent. Although the decision is ultimately up to her, knowing how you really feel about the pregnancy and being a dad helps her make a fully informed choice. It empowers her and you. Leave all your cards on the table. If you want to continue your relationship together – tell her. If you’re excited (and also a little scared) – tell her. She deserves to hear from you, and you deserve to be heard. Remember, she is making a decision that will impact your life too. 

If abortion is an option that is being considered, there are many aspects surrounding this decision. Perhaps she wants an abortion, and you don’t want that for your child. Ask questions in a kind and thoughtful way and find out why she’s considering abortion. Don’t judge her responses or motivations, just listen. She likely feels that it’s her only option at the time. She might think she won’t be supported or have any help. She may have concerns about school, a job, or how she can make it all work. Let her know how you feel and that you are committed to helping her face whatever obstacles she foresees with carrying the baby. Often, women have aborted simply because the baby’s father would not say what his preferences were.  Don’t just say “it’s up to you”. Show her your support and try to understand her point of view. Validate her concerns, then let her know just how strong and capable she is. Remind her that there are supportive people in her corner to help her take all the time she needs to make a fully informed choice. Don’t believe that “abortion is a quick fix”. Maybe as the father, you feel you must tell her that you’ll stand by whatever decision she makes, however, inside you want to say that abortion is not the answer. A man’s silence can be interpreted as support for an abortion. 

Perhaps she wants to carry the baby and you want her to abort. Although the decision is ultimately up to her, men have little control over decisions once a pregnancy exists. This can be difficult to come to terms with. The culture says abortion is “a woman’s choice” but she rarely wants to make that choice alone. She is looking to you for support because there aren’t many people she can confide in right now. Abortion is final. Be sure you have expressed your desire to her and if you would be willing to parent this child with or without her, let her know that. Do your best to be an encourager and supporter during her pregnancy and follow through on your commitments to her and your child. Make sure she gets all the information on options available by coming in to the Pregnancy Care Clinic as soon as possible.

False Alarm?

So the test turned out negative? You might be feeling relieved, and you might want to forget this scare ever happened. But stop and think. If you continue to have sex, there is always a chance that a pregnancy could occur, even when using a condom or birth control pills. Maybe this is a good time to reconsider your choices. Are you ready to be a parent? Are you prepared to have a child with this person? How would my life change if she were pregnant? Would I be willing to look at adoption if I can’t provide for my child? Would I be faced with an abortion? Discuss these things with your partner and get answers that will help you both make the best decisions for your future.



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